Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 4

You may like to read related literature on family management and management of married life on the following URLs: 

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/

(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/

(Mission statement for Families) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/2011/03/mission-statement-for-families.html

(Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-time-model-and-life-skills-life.html

(Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-you-have-right-kind-of-skill-sets.html

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

(All the six lessons of tutorial on "building intimacy in your marriage/relationship are now available in a book form titled "The Romance of Intimacy". The book is already benefitting a good number of married couples and couples in relationships. You can obtain the book as eBook from the Nuubuu link http://nbuu.co/bi and as printed book from Amazon)

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn’t it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don’t you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on “Family Management” section of the blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

The first tutorial “Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/

The second tutorial “Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/11/02/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-2/

The third tutorial “Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/12/03/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-3/

Here is your fourth tutorial. Do your homework now.

Lesson 4: Communicate a Lot

Implementing the following will easily pave way for duty-related, intellectual, emotional and fun-filled communication between husband and wife:

• Praising and admiring your life partner every now and then for some reason or without any reason (Refer: lesson/tutorial 1 Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse).
• Showering your love, affection and care on your spouse (Refer: lesson/tutorial 2 Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse).
• Respecting your spouse irrespective of any situation (Refer lesson/tutorial 3 Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other).

Start off with communication patterns both of you are mutually comfortable with. You may like to share the interesting day-to-day general news, office news, gossips, incidents and happenings. You may share with each other the plans for the evenings and the weekends. You may run through together your shopping lists for home, your child/children, your spouse and yourself. You may chalk out together the details of forthcoming parties, picnics and outings. You will like to tell regular and innocent jokes and amuse each other; soon to be able to exchange naughtier jokes. And all of this involves good degree of communication and so, do all of this.

Soon you may like to start talking on books, movies, plays and sport. You can start exchanging things related to each others’ hobbies and interests. You may like to see together the same TV shows and movies all cuddled up and making silly comments on them. Holding each others’ hands and touching will enhance and enrich your communication intimacies.

Good communication isn't just about verbal exchange. Frequent, scheduled and un-scheduled hugs and kisses and squeeze of hand can communicate lot more than what you can communicate by speaking. If you find you rarely touch your partner, it's worth getting into this habit soon. Make a conscious effort to hold hands when you go out to movies or restaurants or any other events or walk together. If deeper physical intimacies have been off the agenda for some time, these new habits can help reopen them. You will soon learn to like to communicate elaborately on how you wish to make love. Then, an interesting, intimate and fulfilling part of your conversation can take place in the bed lying together under the sheets.

You will soon be quite comfortable communicating and discussing many other aspects. You will need to discuss your home finances and budgets, child’s/children’s education, self growth (personal and professional) and such important issues. You may like to discuss some quite vital family matters like how two of you wish to run your family over the next five to ten years (your family’s mission statement and objectives; refer http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/07/14/life-management-and-life-skills-family-mission-statement/).

You may also like to move on to those areas of communication that may involve frank expression of your individual opinions, some serious thinking, dissentions, conflicts, clearing the air etc.

You may like to speak lovingly, sincerely and honestly to sort out your anger or resentment towards your spouse, if any, without raising your finger at him/her. (It you haven't been honest with each other for a long period of your married life, you may like to seek professional help and support of a counselor/confidant/confidante to sort out the things).

Once the husband and wife decide that they need to build up the intimacies in their married life (and this they should do without any exception very soon), they need to start to communicate and then graduate to communicate a lot. Really lots and lots. Soon they will learn open, decent, respectful, serious, fun-filled and sexy communication. Open, honest and sincere communication serves as an excellent lubricant that can run the marriage machine frictionless and smoothly giving hell of a lot of effectiveness and efficiency for a happy family.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

^{(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 2

You may like to read related literature on family management and management of married life on the following URLs:

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Mission statement for Families) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/2011/03/mission-statement-for-families.html
(Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-time-model-and-life-skills-life.html
(Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-you-have-right-kind-of-skill-sets.html
Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/
(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

(All the six lessons of tutorial on "building intimacy in your marriage/relationship are now available in a book form titled "The Romance of Intimacy". The book is already benefitting a good number of married couples and couples in relationships. You can obtain the book as eBook from the Nuubuu link http://nbuu.co/bi and as printed book from Amazon)

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn’t it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don’t you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on “Family Management” section of the blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

The first tutorial “Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/

Here is your second tutorial. Do your homework now.

Lesson 2: Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse

In putting this tutorial to practice, as the first step every married person should learn to give the following to his/her spouse in large bouts:

1. Love
2. Affection
3. Care

To love, to give affection and to care- all the three are verbs and you must learn to do them effectively and efficiently as much as you have learnt to walk, speak, read, drive and so on. You learnt these things on your own and with some help from other sources. Learning does not take place automatically- it does not happen to you. You have to put in considerable effort learning anything.

Do the same to learn to give love and affection to your spouse and to take care of her/him.

The second step is to start doing i.e. start giving love and affection to your spouse and taking care of her/him. Learning is one thing, putting what you learnt to practice is another thing. Doing is always more important than only knowing. So start:

1. Loving your spouse
2. Giving affection to your spouse
3. Taking care of your spouse

And do them demonstratively. Your spouse should start realizing that you love her/him, you are affectionate to her/him and you care for her/him. Therefore, what you do to her/him should be genuine and not fake or mere acting.

It will be a great idea to give hugs and kisses to your spouse out of routine or out of turn and surprise your spouse. Do express your love every now and then by saying passionately, “I love you lots.” Do use the endearments to each other in your conversations. And converse a lot with each other like great dates or friends do. Touch each other lots.

While you can kiss on lips to demonstrate your love, do express your affection and care by kissing your spouse’s cheeks or temple and assuring her/him by your embrace or touch to communicate, “I am always around. Never worry any more.” Your partner needs you more when she/he is sick or down financially or emotionally or there is sudden overload of professional and/or household workload etc.

Care and affection are well demonstrated when you support and help your spouse in his/her professional and household situations. Husband and wife can share the household chores like cooking, washing, grocery, looking after the kids etc. Let it not fall on only wife’s shoulder or only on husband’s shoulder. Also, when the wife has to do longer or odd hours of work at her office, the husband can take on the activities that wife normally performs at home and vice-versa.

Important thing is that your love, affection and care should be constantly felt by your life partner.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

^{(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Life Time Model

First and foremost, start building up your life time model- it’s the way you will like to be guided in your life. This model will be your basis for shaping up your value structure, thinking patterns, decision making, objectives or goals, road maps, skills, systems, technology, techniques, tools, tasks and actions etc.

At the core of the model comes your chosen value structure consisting of the fundamental principles that you will like to stick to throughout your life. While you may review these principles and add, delete or modify them, by and large these principles are more permanent than anything else in your life. They are the fundamentals and as you know, fundamentals do not change so very easily. The principles will be not more than 10 to 12 or so in numbers and they will seem extremely simple to articulate. Its another matter that at times these may start looking tough to follow. Tough they may be, yet, you need to be guided by them and not waver if you wish to lead an enriched life.

Some examples of these fundamental values or principles are (this is only an indicative list and not necessarily comprehensive):

• I will speak truth.
• I will not hurt or exploit myself and others emotionally and physically.
• I will respect myself and everyone else.
• I will not indulge in corrupt practices.
• I will love my wife, children, parents, brothers and sisters unconditionally.
• I will perform my professional activities as per the profession’s requirements and values.

Next come the major choices of your life: choice of your branch(es) of education and profession(s), choice of your spouse, choice of the geographical places where you will like spend most of your life, number of children you will like to have, choices of educational and career opportunities for your spouse and children, choice of manner(s) in which you will like to look after your parents in their old age, choice of house(s) you will like to live in etc.

Around the above-mentioned cores, you can now start setting up your life time goals. You may also look into your immediate goals, short term goals, medium term goals and long term goals. As you start moving towards achievement of your goals, you may feel like revising your goals and that is perfectly OK. You will have to work out your goals for your personal, family, professional and social life. The goals will have to be achieved on a time line. Your goals need to be quantified as much as possible and should be measurable so that at any point in time you can check back if you are moving ahead towards achieving your goals as desired.

Goal achievement will demand that you decide on the tasks and activities that need to performed by you and others. You will like to outsource certain tasks and activities and you may like to do certain of them by yourself. Accordingly, you will have to acquire the required and necessary knowledge and competencies/skills.

Along side you may have to decide on the selection and use of appropriate systems, technology, techniques and tools. These may consist of hardware and software. You will have to acquire necessary knowledge and skills to get the best results out of these.

The above-mentioned description allows you to construct a life time model that specifically suits you. There is no generic solution for such a model.