Open Communication

Open and Objective Communication between Husband and Wife

It is told time and again that one of the keys to successful married life is open and objective communication between husband and wife.

But many people doubt if it is truly possible in real life though it looks good on paper.

To dispel their doubt, it needs to be emphasized that it is possible but for that both husband and wife have to put some efforts to make it happen; it's not automatic. It does not happen on its own.

To accomplish meaningful communication between husband and wife, it is necessary to adhere to the following tips (not in any particular order):

• Treat the other person as an individual, you do not possess him/her.
• Both are at par; you are neither other's boss nor subordinate. You are life partners.
• Give respect to each other.
• Remember that each person is a bundle of qualities and defects. So look at other's qualities and let the defects not hover on you.
• Listen intently.
• Speak politely.
• Do not react immediately to what the other person just spoke. Think and then respond appropriately. Try to understand what the other is saying and then pause and then respond.
• Do not nitpick.
• Do not show tantrums.
• Do not personalize the issues; stay on a subject.
• Do not get angry if the other person is saying something that you do not agree or do not like.
• If you do not agree or do not like what the other is saying, tell the other person politely about it.
• Be ready to accept what is more correct or more appropriate and be flexible to implement it.
• Once you agree about the outcome of the communication, implement what was agreed upon.
• Update your own knowledge on the subject being discussed. If you are ignorant or know less, listen to the person who has better knowledge.
• Show flexibility in action, shed stubborn behavior.
• Learn to compromise on the points where the agreement or consensus has not reached. Marriage is not a win-lose or lose-win game. No one loses, no one wins. Both have to win, the family has to win.
• At times, give in on matters of low importance. You do not become any less in doing so.
• Keep your egos in abeyance while communicating with each other.
• Demonstrate your affection and care to each other while communicating.
• Collaborate and do not compete. Communication is not the exchange or show-off of your wits.
• Do not play psychological games with each other. Be genuine to each other.
• There should never be any ulterior motives or hidden agendas in communication between husband and wife.
• Keep the family objectives upper most.
• If you have not been able to resolve an issue in the first bout of communication, decide upon another time for another communication session. Then communicate again with open mind and more information on the topic on the new date and time.
• Hug and kiss and make up for any slips in communication.

Family Harmony

Family Togetherness

For this write-up, for the time being, I am defining the family as consisting of husband, wife and their children. Therefore, family harmony will mean ever growing positive relationships between husband, wife and their children and within each one of them. This requires constant nurturing and looking after as well as constant renewal and constant improvement. In absence of this, the harmony will peter out or disintegrate over period of time. Thinking and planning is not good enough. What is essential is doing. So be careful.

Without making it too verbose, I will get down to the brass-tacks on how to maintain and flourish the family harmony. Here are some practical tips (not in any particular order) for you and your family; read on and implement:

•Choose your life partner with good thinking (but be warned that no system to select a life partner is foolproof or correct whether its love marriage, marriage by dating, arranged marriage or a good combination of dating and arranged marriage etc and there is nothing called a "perfect" partner). So, once you have decided somewhat reasonably well on your partner, get married and stick together forever; make it happen that way- it’s not automatic and one has to work for it. Various qualities one may be looking for the prospective spouse are given at URL (Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/.
•Maintain your marriage. Read all the other posts here. You may also refer: (Counseling) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/.
•Rekindle your marriage. Read all the posts here. You may also refer: (Counseling) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/.
•Find out creative excuses to honeymooning and re-honeymooning.
•Exchange praises for each other for the qualities you possess and at times just praise each other for no particular reason.
•Decide on the number of children you should have depending upon your readiness to take up responsibility for them financially, time-wise and emotionally. Having one child is OK in these days when both husband and wife are busy the whole day in their professional work and other reason being the limited resources of all kinds.
•Give each other his or her private space from time to time.
•Create an environment of open communication.
•Yet, think before you start communicating; what you speak should hurt no one in the family.
•Spend a good amount of quality time with your spouse and children.
•Take as many meals of the day together as possible. In today's situations, it may not be possible to enjoy all the meals together. Yet, try to maximize them.
•During the meal times create an environment where every member of the family shares the day to day activities and happenings with the rest of the members of the family.
•Members of the family should set out time during every week to play some outdoor games or other outdoor activities like gardening, jogging, swimming, shopping etc together.
•Members of the family should set out time every week to do some indoor activities like tidying up the house, vacuum cleaning, cleaning up the kitchen, washing clothes etc and recreation like movies, music, storytelling, reading, photography etc together.
•All the family members can jointly take part in cooking some special or regular recipes at home once in a while.
•Family should go on vacation few times in a year and enjoy an outing, long drive, excursion, picnic, sightseeing, museums, zoos, bird watching, theme parks, photography etc.
•Go to the nearby library periodically along with your spouse and kids; borrow the books as per their and your interest and then, share with each other what all of you read.
•Those of you who are religious types can perform religious activities together once in a while.
•There must be constant exchanges of appreciation for each other between the family members for having done something worthwhile and at times, just unconditionally. Just praise each other because they are your family members.
•Hug each other or hold each other’s hand from time to time to express your affection and care for each other and at times, for no reason.
•Help create an environment of excellence at home.
•Help create an environment at home for nurturing value based living. Refer: (Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/.
•Create an environment for family such that the children, your spouse and yourself always aim at achieving better educational or academic qualifications, doing better in games and sports and in the hobbies and interests they have and will develop in due course.
•Continuous overall growth of every family member is very important.
•Create an action oriented family environment. Make sure that laziness does not set in.
•Establish some discipline around TV watching and computer related activities. Do them when and where necessary; addiction is bad.
•Create an environment of self help.
•Help promote habits of independence and self-confidence in each member of the family. Refer: (Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/.