Marriage Counseling

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 6

2011-12-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

Praising and admiring your life partner every now and then for some reason or without any reason (Refer: lesson/tutorial 1 Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse).
Showering your love, affection and care on your spouse (Refer: lesson/tutorial 2 Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse).
Respecting your spouse irrespective of any situation (Refer: lesson/tutorial 3 Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other).
Communicating a lot with your life partner (Refer: lesson/tutorial 4 Communicate a Lot).
Building physical intimacy between the two (Refer: lesson/tutorial 5 Building Physical Intimacy)

Implementing the above-mentioned five habits are the essential building blocks to achieve a desired level of emotional, physical and intellectual intimacy between husband and wife.

Having achieved a satisfactory level does not mean that you have to stop there. If you stop there, the already achieved level will have a tendency to drop down gradually. So you need not only to hold it there but continually inject the necessary pep.

So you next tutorial is about doing things that will not only create, build and maintain the romance of your intimate relationship that you have achieved now but to keep the romance alive throughout your married life.

What is this romance? So visualize the word “romance” and it will unleash some very interesting pictures. The pictures will be all about love affair, emotional/sentimental attachment, strangely beautiful feeling, artistic piece of work, fascination, enthusiasm, mystery, excitement, extravagance.

Therefore when we say “keep the romance alive in your marriage”, it means that you must always be on look out for making your marriage a piece of art, a love affair and journey full of fascination, enthusiasm, mystery, excitement and extravagance. Do not allow the typical boredom or dullness that seeps in effortlessly into many relationships.

You need to be creative, enthusiastic and active to achieve and liven up the romance of marriage. There are no set formulae for this. Each pair of husband and wife will have to think and implement what they think will be good for them- what will keep pepping up their married life, what will make it endlessly romantic.

As a general suggestion you can look at the following list (you need to do all of these things together):

Romance of fulfilling the physical intimacy
Romance of fulfilling the emotional intimacy
Romance of bringing up your child/children
Romance of educating your child/children
Romance of enjoyable intellectual intercourse
Romance of growing together
Romance of strengthening the financial status
Romance of building an adorable home
Romance of unforgettable holidaying
Romance of traveling the country/world
Romance of exotic dining
Romance of fun filled partying
Romance of interesting entertainment
Romance of pursuing the hobbies and interests
Romance of broadening the horizons by reading and sharing
Romance of lazy shopping
Romance of youthful romancing
Romance of exchanging pleasant surprises
Romance of enjoyable socializing
Romance of becoming good human beings
Romance of doing silly things

List does not end here. You may like to add, delete, modify and workout your own romantic list.

Important thing is not just make the lists but to act on them.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

Our Books Publications (Books authored by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar)

Own your copy/copies of the following bestseller books authored by eminent management gurus and consultants Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar:

1.HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher
Effectiveness) or HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and
Icebreakers
3. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case
Studies)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
5. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)

You may like to go to the above-mentioned titles (web links) and order your copies on Amazon.com on Internet. The books are available in printed form and also as eBooks.
Or
Persons residing in India may like to write to our email address prodcons@prodcons.com and order your copies.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological
^{(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 5

2011-12-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

You may like to read related literature on family management and management of married life on the following URLs:

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/

(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/

(Mission statement for Families) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/2011/03/mission-statement-for-families.html

(Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-time-model-and-life-skills-life.html

(Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-you-have-right-kind-of-skill-sets.html

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn’t it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don’t you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on “Family Management” section of the blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

The first tutorial “Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/

The second tutorial “Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/11/02/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-2/

The third tutorial “Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/12/03/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-3/

The fourth tutorial “Communicate a Lot” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/12/09/1691/

Here is your fifth tutorial. Do your homework now.

Lesson 5: Build Physical Intimacy

Practicing and making a habit of the first four lessons as summarized below facilitate carrying out the lesson 5 (the one described in this post) i.e. building physical intimacy.

Summarized below are the first four lessons of building intimacy in marriage:

Praising and admiring your life partner every now and then for some reason or without any reason (Refer: lesson/tutorial 1 Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse).
Showering your love, affection and care on your spouse (Refer: lesson/tutorial 2 Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse).
Respecting your spouse irrespective of any situation (Refer: lesson/tutorial 3 Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other).
Communicating a lot with your life partner (Refer: lesson/tutorial 4 Communicate a Lot).

Implementing the above-mentioned four habits will easily pave way for an enhanced, creative and blissful sexual relationship between husband and wife. Physical attraction and intimacy come naturally as a result of emotional intimacy and intellectual intimacy which you would achieve by practicing the first four lessons.

Sex is the vital part of married life and its active inclusion makes the married life complete, blissful and fun-filled. In no other legal or blood relationship sex plays any part. You get this privilege only as a married couple and you must use it fully for total happiness.

Apart from creating a fantastic bond between husband and wife, active sex (a good number of times in a week/month) has many advantages. Some of them are:

You remain cheerful, calm and relaxed. This relieves the stresses. Thus it can fight depression.
Intercourse makes one pleasantly tired and oxytocin that surges within your body works as a sedative. And then, you get good sound sleep.
It burns calories. It provides a light exercise and can burn around 150 calories every half hour.
It can protect your heart as it works like an aerobic exercise.
It slows the ageing process due to secretion of hormones DHEA and oestrogen.
Oxytocin (mentioned earlier) also acts as a natural painkiller.
It can boost your immune system by production of antibody called immunoglobulin A.
It enhances your overall self image and confidence.

Resort to frequent, scheduled and un-scheduled hugs and kisses and squeeze of hand. Make conscious efforts to hold hands even when you go out to movies or restaurants or any other events or walk together. It fills your environment with romance and excitement, a pre-requite for great sex life.

To derive enhanced pleasures out of physical intimacy, both husband and wife should talk about their preferences for the settings for love making and choose them accordingly: the dresses, the ambience of the place, new venues within home and away from home, a holiday, pre and post activities like a romantic dinner or movie or listening music or shopping or good combination of all of them etc.

They should enrich their knowledge of love making by reading together the related authentic literature. Since making love is a verb and therefore, a skill, it will need a good degree of practice to get a good handle on it. You will soon learn to like to communicate elaborately on how you wish to make love. It will be worthwhile using your creativity over a period of time for better results.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa. However, in this particular lesson (i.e. building physical intimacy), the husband should take the initiative and lead and the wife should fully support. Of course there is no harm if wife takes the lead and husband takes it in his stride as a mature and understanding person .

Our Books Publications (Books authored by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar)

Own your copy/copies of the following bestseller books authored by eminent management gurus and consultants Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar:

1.HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher
Effectiveness) or HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and
Icebreakers
3. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case
Studies)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
5. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)

You may like to go to the above-mentioned titles (web links) and order your copies on Amazon.com on Internet. The books are available in printed form and also as eBooks.
Or
Persons residing in India may like to write to our email address prodcons@prodcons.com and order your copies.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

⁽^{Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 4

2011-12-09T22:25:00.000-08:00

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/

(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/

(Mission statement for Families) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/2011/03/mission-statement-for-families.html

(Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-time-model-and-life-skills-life.html

(Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-you-have-right-kind-of-skill-sets.html

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn’t it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don’t you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on “Family Management” section of the blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

The first tutorial “Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/

The second tutorial “Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/11/02/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-2/

The third tutorial “Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/12/03/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-3/

Here is your fourth tutorial. Do your homework now.

Lesson 4: Communicate a Lot

Implementing the following will easily pave way for duty-related, intellectual, emotional and fun-filled communication between husband and wife:

Praising and admiring your life partner every now and then for some reason or without any reason (Refer: lesson/tutorial 1 Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse).
Showering your love, affection and care on your spouse (Refer: lesson/tutorial 2 Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse).
Respecting your spouse irrespective of any situation (Refer lesson/tutorial 3 Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other).

Start off with communication patterns both of you are mutually comfortable with. You may like to share the interesting day-to-day general news, office news, gossips, incidents and happenings. You may share with each other the plans for the evenings and the weekends. You may run through together your shopping lists for home, your child/children, your spouse and yourself. You may chalk out together the details of forthcoming parties, picnics and outings. You will like to tell regular and innocent jokes and amuse each other; soon to be able to exchange naughtier jokes. And all of this involves good degree of communication and so, do all of this.

Soon you may like to start talking on books, movies, plays and sport. You can start exchanging things related to each others’ hobbies and interests. You may like to see together the same TV shows and movies all cuddled up and making silly comments on them. Holding each others’ hands and touching will enhance and enrich your communication intimacies.

Good communication isn't just about verbal exchange. Frequent, scheduled and un-scheduled hugs and kisses and squeeze of hand can communicate lot more than what you can communicate by speaking. If you find you rarely touch your partner, it's worth getting into this habit soon. Make a conscious effort to hold hands when you go out to movies or restaurants or any other events or walk together. If deeper physical intimacies have been off the agenda for some time, these new habits can help reopen them. You will soon learn to like to communicate elaborately on how you wish to make love. Then, an interesting, intimate and fulfilling part of your conversation can take place in the bed lying together under the sheets.

You will soon be quite comfortable communicating and discussing many other aspects. You will need to discuss your home finances and budgets, child’s/children’s education, self growth (personal and professional) and such important issues. You may like to discuss some quite vital family matters like how two of you wish to run your family over the next five to ten years (your family’s mission statement and objectives; refer http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/07/14/life-management-and-life-skills-family-mission-statement/).

You may also like to move on to those areas of communication that may involve frank expression of your individual opinions, some serious thinking, dissentions, conflicts, clearing the air etc.

You may like to speak lovingly, sincerely and honestly to sort out your anger or resentment towards your spouse, if any, without raising your finger at him/her. (It you haven't been honest with each other for a long period of your married life, you may like to seek professional help and support of a counselor/confidant/confidante to sort out the things).

Once the husband and wife decide that they need to build up the intimacies in their married life (and this they should do without any exception very soon), they need to start to communicate and then graduate to communicate a lot. Really lots and lots. Soon they will learn open, decent, respectful, serious, fun-filled and sexy communication. Open, honest and sincere communication serves as an excellent lubricant that can run the marriage machine frictionless and smoothly giving hell of a lot of effectiveness and efficiency for a happy family.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

Our Books Publications (Books authored by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar)

Own your copy/copies of the following bestseller books authored by eminent management gurus and consultants Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar:

1.HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher Effectiveness) or HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
3. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
5. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)

You may like to go to the above-mentioned titles (web links) and order your copies on Amazon.com on Internet. The books are available in printed form and also as eBooks.
Or
Persons residing in India may like to write to our email address prodcons@prodcons.com and order your copies.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

^{(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 3

2011-12-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

You may like to read related literature on family management and management of married life on the following URLs:

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/

(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/

(Mission statement for Families) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/2011/03/mission-statement-for-families.html

(Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-time-model-and-life-skills-life.html

(Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-you-have-right-kind-of-skill-sets.html

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn’t it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don’t you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on “Family Management” section of the blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

The first tutorial “Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/

The second tutorial “Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/11/02/life-management-family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-2/

Here is your third tutorial. Do your homework now.

Lesson 3: Demonstrate Your Respect to Each Other

The natural danger in any intimate relationship like between husband and wife is taking each other for granted within a few months or few years of marriage. The reason is the obvious familiarity that arises out of staying together twenty four hours of every day.

Prior to marriage or during dating/courtship or during the initial days of marriage the husband and wife use lots of etiquette and manners. They show their best sides to each other. They address each other with dignity. They behave with great degree of civility and create an impression of respecting each other. They listen each other a lot, nod with mutual agreements on most of the topics, try avoiding conflicts and so on.

Unfortunately after living together as a married couple, they throw their caution to winds. The facades are dropped. They start showing their true colors. They start misbehaving, use bad language, become manner less and mutual civility as desired between two human beings is lost somewhere. The initial friendship turns into an ever increasing familiarity and in turn familiarity breeds contempt. They start falling apart.

They feel highly insulted by the disrespect hurled at each other. The delicate spots of human dignity feels hurt and the relationship starts suffering. It starts depleting in all the departments of intimacy- emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy and as a resultant, the physical intimacy.

The couple who understands this phenomena does not allow such situation to occur. Such husband and wife team embraces mutual respect not only during the early days but throughout the entire married life. They demonstrate the same civility towards each other as is expected in any civilized society between two persons. The etiquette and manners are kept intact. Disagreement and dissonance are definitely expressed but they are expressed in a manner that does not hurt the partner. They do not shout at each other or blame each other. They do not use derogatory words/language. They do not address each other with contempt. They use correct tone of voice while expressing their opinion. They do not use a condescending tone. Conflicts due to difference of opinions are far less (may be around 10%) than due to wrong tone of voice (may be around 90%).

It is necessary to give your spouse the dignity a human being deserves. Stop taking each other for granted. Do not hover on each other all the time. Give each other the space and privacy one should have. Remember that a husband does not possess a wife or a wife does not possess a husband. They are equal partners in marriage. Each one of them is an individual and has his/her own place in married life as well as a loving association with each other.

You can not enjoy the real bliss of the married life involving emotional, intellectual and physical intimacy unless you respect your spouse (lesson 3), demonstrate your love, affection and care to your spouse (lesson 2) and praise/appreciate your spouse. So start doing it, start practicing it (do it again and again till you are perfect in doing it). Knowing does not mean anything unless you implement it. And please remember practice makes a man (and a woman) prefect.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

Our Books Publications (Books authored by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar)

Own your copy/copies of the following bestseller books authored by eminent management gurus and consultants Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar:

1.HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher Effectiveness) or HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
3. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
5. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)

You may like to go to the above-mentioned titles (web links) and order your copies on Amazon.com on Internet. The books are available in printed form and also as eBooks.
Or
Persons residing in India may like to write to our email address prodcons@prodcons.com and order your copies.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

^{(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 2

2011-11-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

You may like to read related literature on family management and management of married life on the following URLs:

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Mission statement for Families) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/2011/03/mission-statement-for-families.html
(Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-time-model-and-life-skills-life.html
(Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-you-have-right-kind-of-skill-sets.html
Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/
(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn’t it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don’t you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on “Family Management” section of the blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

The first tutorial “Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse” was published at the URL: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.net/index.php/2011/10/06/family-management-building-intimacy-in-marriage-lesson-1/

Here is your second tutorial. Do your homework now.

Lesson 2: Demonstrate Your Love, Affection and Care towards Your Spouse

In putting this tutorial to practice, as the first step every married person should learn to give the following to his/her spouse in large bouts:

Love
Affection
Care

To love, to give affection and to care- all the three are verbs and you must learn to do them effectively and efficiently as much as you have learnt to walk, speak, read, drive and so on. You learnt these things on your own and with some help from other sources. Learning does not take place automatically- it does not happen to you. You have to put in considerable effort learning anything.

Do the same to learn to give love and affection to your spouse and to take care of her/him.

The second step is to start doing i.e. start giving love and affection to your spouse and taking care of her/him. Learning is one thing, putting what you learnt to practice is another thing. Doing is always more important than only knowing. So start:

Loving your spouse
Giving affection to your spouse
Taking care of your spouse

And do them demonstratively. Your spouse should start realizing that you love her/him, you are affectionate to her/him and you care for her/him. Therefore, what you do to her/him should be genuine and not fake or mere acting.

It will be a great idea to give hugs and kisses to your spouse out of routine or out of turn and surprise your spouse. Do express your love every now and then by saying passionately, “I love you lots.” Do use the endearments to each other in your conversations. And converse a lot with each other like great dates or friends do. Touch each other lots.

While you can kiss on lips to demonstrate your love, do express your affection and care by kissing your spouse’s cheeks or temple and assuring her/him by your embrace or touch to communicate, “I am always around. Never worry any more.” Your partner needs you more when she/he is sick or down financially or emotionally or there is sudden overload of professional and/or household workload etc.

Care and affection are well demonstrated when you support and help your spouse in his/her professional and household situations. Husband and wife can share the household chores like cooking, washing, grocery, looking after the kids etc. Let it not fall on only wife’s shoulder or only on husband’s shoulder. Also, when the wife has to do longer or odd hours of work at her office, the husband can take on the activities that wife normally performs at home and vice-versa.

Important thing is that your love, affection and care should be constantly felt by your life partner.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

Our Books Publications (Books authored by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar)

Own your copy/copies of the following bestseller books authored by eminent management gurus and consultants Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar:

1.HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher Effectiveness) or HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
3. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
5. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)

You may like to go to the above-mentioned titles (web links) and order your copies on Amazon.com on Internet. The books are available in printed form and also as eBooks.
Or
Persons residing in India may like to write to our email address prodcons@prodcons.com and order your copies.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

^{(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/}

In Praise of Women

2011-10-18T23:30:00.001-07:00

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/ and "Leadership & Management" on http://shyam.bhatawdekar.com)

In Praise of Women

Whatever you give a woman,
she will make it greater.

Give her a house,
she will give you a home.

Give her groceries,
she will give you a meal.

Give her a smile,
she will give you her heart.

She multiplies and gives you something greater.

So if you give her crap,

be ready to receive a ton of it!!

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 1

2011-10-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

Need for Tutorials in Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

The fact of life is that you live with your parents and brothers and sisters for just about 15 to 20 years of your entire life. You live with your own children only for 15 to 20 years of your life. And you live with your spouse for around 60 years of your life if you got married at the age of 30 and you are going to live till your age of 90 years.

So isn't it very obvious that you should invest more of your time and efforts in building up your married life? Don't you think you need to do whatever it needs to keep up the relationship with your spouse and spruce it up further to new heights?

Over a period of time many of us get into a rut and forget what it needs to maintain and build up the relationship. So, here are some reminder lessons for you.

Here onwards each post on this blog will narrate one important lesson. Implement this lesson and practice it again and again till it becomes your habit and happens to you naturally.

Here is your first tutorial. Do your homework now.

Give Positive Strokes to Your Spouse

It's easy to criticize and so people do it often. The relationships start eroding if you keep finding faults in your spouse and pointing them out expressly or through your body language. It puts the other person off.

So, stop criticizing. You have not married the other person as his or her critic. You have married to enjoy the bliss of the married life. The bliss can never be complete without your life partner. You need to build up very strong relationship with her/him.

You might argue, "I do appreciate my spouse when I find or notice something really nice done by her/him but when she/he commits some mistakes I have to point them out."

Dear friend, do you know that your one negative comment has already nullified your 5 to 7 or 10 positive comments? So, stop being a judge and stop exploring defects in your spouse. First build up your bank balance of compliments and praises on your spouse to a count of few hundreds.

And remember it is not necessary for you to wait to praise or appreciate your spouse for her or him to achieve something big. You should praise her/him even without her or him having achieved anything. The praise or appreciation can as well be absolutely unconditional.

So, start praising your spouse now. Yes, do it now.

Tell you wife, "You are looking beautiful today." "Your new flower arrangement is fantastic." "But for you, our daughter could not have become so well mannered." "You work very hard, I want you to go slow and relax more." "You are so intelligent, it's rare to find intelligent wives around."

Tell your husband, "You are looking smart today." "Your advise helped me in doing my assignment better in my office, thank you so much." "I love when you hum my favorite tune while we go driving together." "Today you shared so many of the household chores, it was really thoughtful of you."

What did you lose in giving these compliments? Did it cost anything? Did you become smaller in stature? No, nothing. On the other hand you have added many points in your emotional bank balance towards your spouse. These points in turn will strengthen your relationship.

You should now set out a goal of finding something good in your spouse every day and give compliments. If you can find more qualities in your spouse or if you can find some more nice things done by her/him, find them out and then give more and more compliments.

Every person has considerably good numbers of strong points or qualities and so for the time being, ignoring her/his defects, shower your praises for those good qualities or strong points.

It requires both (husband and wife) to build up strong and intimate relationship in marriage; it cannot be a one sided affair to be done only by wife or only by husband. Therefore, both husband and wife should read this tutorial together and start practicing it simultaneously. Of course, it does not mean that if wife has yet not started giving praises or compliments, husband should wait and not start it too or vice-versa.

Our Books Publications (Books authored by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar)

Own your copy/copies of the following bestseller books authored by eminent management gurus and consultants Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar:

1.HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher Effectiveness) or HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
3. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
5. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)

You may like to go to the above-mentioned titles (web links) and order your copies on Amazon.com on Internet. The books are available in printed form and also as eBooks.
Or
Persons residing in India may like to write to our email address prodcons@prodcons.com and order your copies.

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation

Contact: prodcons@prodcons.com

Training in all the soft skills and various management functions/techniques is imparted by Prodcons Group’s Mr Shyam Bhatawdekar and/or Dr (Mrs) Kalpana Bhatawdekar, eminent management educationists, management consultants and trainers- par excellence, with distinction of having trained over 150,000 people from around 250 organizations.

Also refer: (Prodcons Group) http://prodcons-group.blogspot.com/, (Training Programs by Prodcons Group) http://training-development-function.blogspot.com/, (Productivity Consultants) http://productivity-consultants.blogspot.com/

Other Topics of Interest: Counseling: General and Psychological

(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling: Psychological) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Do This Today) http://do-this-today.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners)http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#
(Life management: I Am Liberated)http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Spiritual Quotient/Intelligence)http://spiritual-quotient.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://success-achievement.blogspot.com/
(Success in Life or Success) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/success-in-life/6txz9nck6g3/14#view
(Swine Flu and Its Prevention) http://swine-flu-precaution.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/

In Lighter Vein

2011-07-30T00:54:00.000-07:00

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman; before marriage and after marriage.
Husband searching keywords on Google "how to tackle wife?" Google search result: "still searching".

Books by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar

Order your copies from Amazon.com:

1. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
3. HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar's Effectiveness Model)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories

Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model

2011-07-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Life Time Model

First and foremost, start building up your life time model- it’s the way you will like to be guided in your life. This model will be your basis for shaping up your value structure, thinking patterns, decision making, objectives or goals, road maps, skills, systems, technology, techniques, tools, tasks and actions etc.

At the core of the model comes your chosen value structure consisting of the fundamental principles that you will like to stick to throughout your life. While you may review these principles and add, delete or modify them, by and large these principles are more permanent than anything else in your life. They are the fundamentals and as you know, fundamentals do not change so very easily. The principles will be not more than 10 to 12 or so in numbers and they will seem extremely simple to articulate. Its another matter that at times these may start looking tough to follow. Tough they may be, yet, you need to be guided by them and not waver if you wish to lead an enriched life.

Some examples of these fundamental values or principles are (this is only an indicative list and not necessarily comprehensive):

I will speak truth.
I will not hurt or exploit myself and others emotionally and physically.
I will respect myself and everyone else.
I will not indulge in corrupt practices.
I will love my wife, children, parents, brothers and sisters unconditionally.
I will perform my professional activities as per the profession’s requirements and values.

Next come the major choices of your life: choice of your branch(es) of education and profession(s), choice of your spouse, choice of the geographical places where you will like spend most of your life, number of children you will like to have, choices of educational and career opportunities for your spouse and children, choice of manner(s) in which you will like to look after your parents in their old age, choice of house(s) you will like to live in etc.

Around the above-mentioned cores, you can now start setting up your life time goals. You may also look into your immediate goals, short term goals, medium term goals and long term goals. As you start moving towards achievement of your goals, you may feel like revising your goals and that is perfectly OK. You will have to work out your goals for your personal, family, professional and social life. The goals will have to be achieved on a time line. Your goals need to be quantified as much as possible and should be measurable so that at any point in time you can check back if you are moving ahead towards achieving your goals as desired.

Goal achievement will demand that you decide on the tasks and activities that need to performed by you and others. You will like to outsource certain tasks and activities and you may like to do certain of them by yourself. Accordingly, you will have to acquire the required and necessary knowledge and competencies/skills.

Along side you may have to decide on the selection and use of appropriate systems, technology, techniques and tools. These may consist of hardware and software. You will have to acquire necessary knowledge and skills to get the best results out of these.

The above-mentioned description allows you to construct a life time model that specifically suits you. There is no generic solution for such a model.

Books by Shyam Bhatawdekar and Dr Kalpana Bhatawdekar

Order your copies from Amazon.com:

1. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
2. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
3. HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar's Effectiveness Model)
4. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories

Mission Statement for Families

2011-03-15T04:55:00.001-07:00

For everything you wanted to know on building leadership and management, refer Shyam Bhatawdekar’s website: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.com/

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

In effective, successful and happy families, husband and wife implicitly or explicitly talk about, discuss and deliberate and at times write down on what kind of mission statement they should formulate for their family. The mission statement then provides them the guidance they need to run their families. It is always a good idea to write down the mission statement so that it has the required clarity and it can be shared with family members easily and correctly.

Given below is an elaborate or comprehensive specimen mission statement for families (you need not copy it for your family but definitely can pick up some clues from it to work out the mission statement for your family).

- (Unconditional) love, affection, care, consideration, concern, respect, decency, decorum, trust (no secrecy or ulterior motives), right kind of values- the foundation principles (no compromise on them).

- Promoting, facilitating, innovating and nurturing emotional, intellectual and physical intimacies between husband and wife and developing short term and long term friendship, companionship and camaraderie (the three words may have similar meanings but just to heighten the importance of this aspect of husband-wife relationship, all the three are used). However, despite being intimate, discourage development of familiarity between the two- give each other the deserved space in adequate measures (at times you may feel free not to share few thoughts and things with each other; it’s OK so far as you are not being secretive).

- Creating, developing and maintaining physically comfortable and hygienic environment and constantly improving it.

- Creating, developing and maintaining decent emotional, intellectual and meaningful environment and constantly improving it.

- Emphasis on higher levels of education with superior academic performance and constantly sharpening it- for each family member.

- Facilitating constant growth of every family member in many directions.

- Changing for the better continually- shed rigidities and practice flexibility in thinking, behaviors, manners, habits, actions, living style, use of technology etc as appropriate with changing situations and time.

- Emphasis and constant attention on family health and improving overall health status of all the family members.

- Creating and maintaining financially sound status (immediate and long term)- desire and efforts to earn more and acquire and utilize the resources prudently with no wastage.

- Open communication, empathy and cooperation (no resentments, no sulking, no competition or no need to prove to each other or to evaluate/judge/criticize each other or to constantly correct each other, readiness in apologizing and forgiving) among husband and wife and children- promoting overall positiveness.

- Facilitate creating an environment where each family member can develop an eye for recognizing others’ qualities and learn to appreciate and praise the other family members generously and yet genuinely- pretensions and fakeness to be kept away and no politics please.

- Giving family a decent social status. (Therefore, doing a socially respectable and meaningful profession- self employment or otherwise- becomes important. Meaningful jobs, good organizations, good designations, good perks etc).

- High level of attention to the rightful growth of/achievement by children so that they become excellent human beings, superior professionals and capable of nurturing their own families in the best ways when they start one of their own.

- Help develop right kind of maturity (of thoughts, ideas, reactions/responses and actions) in each family member.

- Having full faith and confidence in the overall soundness of family without any need to strike comparisons with others/other families/societies of the world- developing absoluteness and not comparisons (do comparisons only for the purpose of learning from others and not for competing or for feeling inferior or superior after comparisons).

- Creating and maintaining overall happiness for all the family members as individuals and family as a whole (the togetherness).

Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?

2011-03-02T21:43:00.000-08:00

(Soft Skills) http://soft-skills-competencies.blogspot.com/

(Soft Skills/Competencies: Details of Each Competency) http://soft-competencies-skills.blogspot.com/

(Life Skills) http://life-skills-competencies.blogspot.com/

Isn't it true that you invest a lot of your efforts, time and money in acquiring and maintaining your skill sets and competencies to become and remain effective in your chosen profession? And it is never
been a one time job for you. As the profile of your profession changed with time and due to technological advancements and many other factors, you made sure to acquire those extra skill sets and competencies that your profession demanded.

You could have never become an effective software engineer if you had not acquired the proficiency
in coding in various computer languages. You acquired knowledge and then used that knowledge by actually writing the programs that finally ran well. And it has been a never ending job- acquiring knowledge and putting it to test.

The same is true with any profession. Every profession requires certain technical and human skills and competencies and you make conscious efforts to acquire them. You you do it over years and years.

Now ask yourself a question. Did you do the same thing when you entered into your marriage and then started your family? Does starting, maintaining and building up a great married and family life not
need or demand some specific skill sets and competencies for you to become an effective spouse and a parent?

Did you identify those skill sets and competencies? Did you introspect if you possess them- are you good at them? If you did not have them already, did you take actions to seek knowledge about them, acquire them and then put them into practice again and again so that you became proficient in them.

Can you really lead a great married and family life without doing so?

If you have not done it till now, nothing much is lost. It's never too late. Start now.

Interpersonal Relations in Family

2011-01-12T21:30:00.000-08:00

For everything you wanted to know on building leadership and management, refer Shyam Bhatawdekar’s website: http://shyam.bhatawdekar.com/

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at: http://management-universe.blogspot.com/)

Interpersonal Relations among Family Members

Types of Interpersonal Behavior

Type 1 •Invites respect and compliance when you manage, direct, advice, teach and lead
Type2 •Invites acceptance and trust when you help, support, sympathize and empathize
Type 3 •Invites help and tenderness when you agree and act in friendly manner
Type 4 •Invites advice and help when you seek help, trust, admire and respect
Type 5 •Invites arrogance and superiority when you act shyly, modestly, dutifully, sensitively and obediently
Type 6 •Invites punishment and rejection when you rebel, protest, be undisciplined, be skeptical
Type 7 •Invites hostility and resistance when you attack, punish and be unkind
Type 8 •Invites distrust and inferiority when you exploit, show-off, reject and boast

First four behavior patterns will support healthy interpersonal relationships.

Pre-requisites for Better Interpersonal Relations

Respectful mutual communication
Win-win relationships
Improving balance in others' emotional bank account
Non-exploitative mutual transactions
No ulterior motives
Mutual trust
Cooperation and support
Genuine praise to each other
Be of benefit to each other
Take genuine interest in each other

Improve Your Score on Emotional Bank Balance for Better Interpersonal Relations

Interpersonal relations flourish when you open an emotional bank account with the other person and make emotional deposits into it. Your emotional deposits build up the trust level with the other person and then, he likes to maintain relationship with you.
More the emotional deposits made by you with the other person, more safe will he feel with you. It is a measure of trust and therefore, safeness into a relationship.
You can build up your emotional bank balance with the other person by developing understanding with him, showing courtesy and care, attending to his small and big needs, keeping up the promises made, maintaining personal integrity etc.
Once your reserve or balance is high, even if you make a withdrawal by doing the acts opposite to what have been described in the earlier point, the other person will not mind it that much and will be willing to continue the relationship in the same smooth manner.
With high deposits and balance, your communication, even if it is less than perfect, is very well understood by the other person in the right spirit. Thus, interpersonal communication becomes simpler and easier.
You can easily withdraw from your emotional bank deposit when you show disrespect, behave discourteously, play superior etc. As this balance depletes, the trust level goes down and the quality of interpersonal relationship decreases.

To Love Your Child, Love Each Other: You Have No Escape From Loving Each Other

2011-01-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

A child wants wholesome love from both the parents for growing into a normal adult and human being. He wants love from his father. He wants love from his mother. He wants love from them together as a parental unit or a parental entity. He wants love in home.

If his parents do not love each other, the child will never be able to get a sense of living in a complete home. Something is missing somewhere, in home, for him. He will never be able to sense of love from them together as a parental entity. For him, love from parents as one single unified entity is missing. He will never grow normally.

When husband and wife love each other, it produces a kind of synergistic love in home and that the child enjoys, it is very healthy for him. That is many times more than when only mother showers her love on him or only father showers his love on him in their separate ways.

So, there is no escape from loving each other since you already love your child so much. Love each other Mr husband and Mrs wife, you don't lose anything in love. Love does not need financing or rocket science or strategic management. Then, love only multiplies.

Open Communication

2011-01-05T03:20:00.000-08:00

Open and Objective Communication between Husband and Wife

It is told time and again that one of the keys to successful married life is open and objective communication between husband and wife.

But many people doubt if it is truly possible in real life though it looks good on paper.

To dispel their doubt, it needs to be emphasized that it is possible but for that both husband and wife have to put some efforts to make it happen; it's not automatic. It does not happen on its own.

To accomplish meaningful communication between husband and wife, it is necessary to adhere to the following tips (not in any particular order):

Treat the other person as an individual, you do not possess him/her.
Both are at par; you are neither other's boss nor subordinate. You are life partners.
Give respect to each other.
Remember that each person is a bundle of qualities and defects. So look at other's qualities and let the defects not hover on you.
Listen intently.
Speak politely.
Do not react immediately to what the other person just spoke. Think and then respond appropriately. Try to understand what the other is saying and then pause and then respond.
Do not nitpick.
Do not show tantrums.
Do not personalize the issues; stay on a subject.
Do not get angry if the other person is saying something that you do not agree or do not like.
If you do not agree or do not like what the other is saying, tell the other person politely about it.
Be ready to accept what is more correct or more appropriate and be flexible to implement it.
Once you agree about the outcome of the communication, implement what was agreed upon.
Update your own knowledge on the subject being discussed. If you are ignorant or know less, listen to the person who has better knowledge.
Show flexibility in action, shed stubborn behavior.
Learn to compromise on the points where the agreement or consensus has not reached. Marriage is not a win-lose or lose-win game. No one loses, no one wins. Both have to win, the family has to win.
At times, give in on matters of low importance. You do not become any less in doing so.
Keep your egos in abeyance while communicating with each other.
Demonstrate your affection and care to each other while communicating.
Collaborate and do not compete. Communication is not the exchange or show-off of your wits.
Do not play psychological games with each other. Be genuine to each other.
There should never be any ulterior motives or hidden agendas in communication between husband and wife.
Keep the family objectives upper most.
If you have not been able to resolve an issue in the first bout of communication, decide upon another time for another communication session. Then communicate again with open mind and more information on the topic on the new date and time.
Hug and kiss and make up for any slips in communication.

Family Harmony

2010-12-29T03:39:00.000-08:00

Family Togetherness

For this write-up, for the time being, I am defining the family as consisting of husband, wife and their children. Therefore, family harmony will mean ever growing positive relationships between husband, wife and their children and within each one of them. This requires constant nurturing and looking after as well as constant renewal and constant improvement. In absence of this, the harmony will peter out or disintegrate over period of time. Thinking and planning is not good enough. What is essential is doing. So be careful.

Without making it too verbose, I will get down to the brass-tacks on how to maintain and flourish the family harmony. Here are some practical tips (not in any particular order) for you and your family; read on and implement:

•Choose your life partner with good thinking (but be warned that no system to select a life partner is foolproof or correct whether its love marriage, marriage by dating, arranged marriage or a good combination of dating and arranged marriage etc and there is nothing called a "perfect" partner). So, once you have decided somewhat reasonably well on your partner, get married and stick together forever; make it happen that way- it’s not automatic and one has to work for it. Various qualities one may be looking for the prospective spouse are given at URL (Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/.
•Maintain your marriage. Read all the other posts here. You may also refer: (Counseling) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/.
•Rekindle your marriage. Read all the posts here. You may also refer: (Counseling) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/.
•Find out creative excuses to honeymooning and re-honeymooning.
•Exchange praises for each other for the qualities you possess and at times just praise each other for no particular reason.
•Decide on the number of children you should have depending upon your readiness to take up responsibility for them financially, time-wise and emotionally. Having one child is OK in these days when both husband and wife are busy the whole day in their professional work and other reason being the limited resources of all kinds.
•Give each other his or her private space from time to time.
•Create an environment of open communication.
•Yet, think before you start communicating; what you speak should hurt no one in the family.
•Spend a good amount of quality time with your spouse and children.
•Take as many meals of the day together as possible. In today's situations, it may not be possible to enjoy all the meals together. Yet, try to maximize them.
•During the meal times create an environment where every member of the family shares the day to day activities and happenings with the rest of the members of the family.
•Members of the family should set out time during every week to play some outdoor games or other outdoor activities like gardening, jogging, swimming, shopping etc together.
•Members of the family should set out time every week to do some indoor activities like tidying up the house, vacuum cleaning, cleaning up the kitchen, washing clothes etc and recreation like movies, music, storytelling, reading, photography etc together.
•All the family members can jointly take part in cooking some special or regular recipes at home once in a while.
•Family should go on vacation few times in a year and enjoy an outing, long drive, excursion, picnic, sightseeing, museums, zoos, bird watching, theme parks, photography etc.
•Go to the nearby library periodically along with your spouse and kids; borrow the books as per their and your interest and then, share with each other what all of you read.
•Those of you who are religious types can perform religious activities together once in a while.
•There must be constant exchanges of appreciation for each other between the family members for having done something worthwhile and at times, just unconditionally. Just praise each other because they are your family members.
•Hug each other or hold each other’s hand from time to time to express your affection and care for each other and at times, for no reason.
•Help create an environment of excellence at home.
•Help create an environment at home for nurturing value based living. Refer: (Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/.
•Create an environment for family such that the children, your spouse and yourself always aim at achieving better educational or academic qualifications, doing better in games and sports and in the hobbies and interests they have and will develop in due course.
•Continuous overall growth of every family member is very important.
•Create an action oriented family environment. Make sure that laziness does not set in.
•Establish some discipline around TV watching and computer related activities. Do them when and where necessary; addiction is bad.
•Create an environment of self help.
•Help promote habits of independence and self-confidence in each member of the family. Refer: (Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/.

Shortlist of Vital Qualities in a Spouse

2010-12-29T03:29:00.000-08:00

Must Qualities in a Great Spouse (Qualities Demonstrated towards One's life Partner)

•Respectful
•Loving and affectionate
•Caring
•Flexible (to change for better)
•Enthusiastic lover (sexually)
•Cultured and well mannered
•Supportive
•Appreciative
•Faithful
•Trusting
•Educated (higher formal education)
•Free of addictions
•Hygienic
•Balanced and composed
•Capable to earn adequate money

Secret of Happy Marriage

2010-12-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

(In lighter vein)

Here is secret to happy married life: Do what your wife tells you.

Working Couples and Balance in Relationship

2010-12-14T02:58:00.000-08:00

These days, both husband and wife work as professionals and earn money for home. Both remain busy for at least 10 to 12 hours a day, working in their respective offices. When they return to their home after a hard day's work, it is important that both of them should demonstrate empathy, care, affection and love to each other and then, therefore, share the household work.

The routine household work involves:

Evening tea/coffee and refreshments
Dinner
Next day's lunch packs
Dropping and picking up child/children from day-care/schools
Bathing of child or children (when they are dependent on parents)
Child's (or children's) home work and their studies
Child (or children's) other development requirements
Helping child/children to sleep on time; story telling
Grocery
Housekeeping
Interior decoration and its maintenance
Dish washing
Laundry
Paying bills
Social calls/meetings
Library
Equipment maintenance
etc
etc (the list may be incomplete)

In case of couples where wife was not working, traditionally, she was expected to take up lots of these above-mentioned household responsibilities, though it also meant a considerable workload on her if her husband did not assist or help her in carrying out those chores.

However, in case of working couples when they are on par with each other in terms of their professional working hours outside their home, it is absolutely essential that they equally share all of the above-mentioned household responsibilities when they return to their home after their office work.

Since it is a husband-wife relationship, the household work should be done together as a team and not as a boss-subordinate relationship or as earmarked departments. At home they are life partners and equal; no one is superior and no one is inferior. So, they should share the household work while demonstrating empathy, care, affection and love towards each other.

That's called the perfect marriage relationship.

Marriage Counseling

2009-07-30T03:06:00.001-07:00

Husband-Wife Relationship: Life Long Relationship

Starting, maintaining and improving relationships are the most important aspects of one's life. There are lots of relationships like husband and wife, boy and girl about to marry, parents and children, between siblings etc. Among all of them, the husband-wife relationship is a very unique and life long relationship. Therefore, we are going to concentrate on the following types of relationships:

Relationship between husband and wife
Relationship between a boy and a girl deciding to marry

Let us look at the most important factors that are conducive to maintain and strengthen these relationships.

Most Important Aspects in These Relationships

The husband-wife (already married or having decided to marry) is the most beautiful relationship.
Nurture it carefully.
Do not permit any one else (who so ever he or she or they may be) to create a crevice (rift) in it.
Develop mutual respect.
Develop mutual trust.
Communicate, communicate and communicate with each other on whole lots of things.
Practice respectful communication (do not confuse it by being submissive).
Never ever use foul, un-civil language or four letter words while communicating and addressing each other.
Maintain equal status relationship.
Do not exert one-upmanship (or one-upwomanship) on the other.
It's not competition; it's pure companionship all the way.
Develop mutual consideration and caring: demonstrate by communicating and in actions.
Support and care for each other in trying (difficult) times (sickness, loss of job or any other such happenings) more particularly.
Be genuine with each other; do not pretend or fake.
Find qualities in each other and not faults (and not keep correcting the faults in the other).
Frequently, demonstratively, appreciate or admire those qualities.
Develop love and affection: also, demonstrate frequently by hugging, kissing and holding each others' hands for no reason, every now and then.
Develop friendship and so, carry out open friendly communication on whole lot of matters under the sun.
Give each other some private space.
Don't keep nagging the other; it can get on other's nerves.
Mutually satisfying physical relationship is important. It requires full participation from both the partners. It needs to be learnt and practiced and then needs to be re-invented (This is strictly applicable only to already married couples. It is strictly "No" for yet to marry couples).

Love Lots, love All the Way

The major objective of husband wife relationship is: give love and seek love.

So,

Do not find only the drawbacks or mistakes in the spouse; always err on finding the qualities and bright spots in your spouse. Every person has some good qualities and also some drawbacks. So, do not make yourself miserable by insisting to concentrate only on your spouse's weaknesses (you have some other sets of weaknesses too). Love lots.
Do not criticize; make suggestions respectfully if necessary. Praise lots unconditionally as well as conditionally. Love lots.
Do not keep correcting the spouse. Love lots.
Do not be the perennial teacher or preacher to your souse; be friend and companion. Love lots.
Do not try to make your spouse your carbon copy. Love lots.
Do not humiliate or insult or belittle your spouse. Love lots.
Do not sulk, participate a lot, communicate respectfully. Love lots.
Do not compare or compete with your spouse; collaborate. Love lots.
Don't shout; communicate politely. Love lots.
Don't ignore or become indifferent towards your spouse ever. Care lots. Love lots.
Do not insist on only your spouse fulfilling all of your desires; you will also need to contribute towards fulfilling these desires yourself and also, in contributing towards fulfilling the desires of your spouse. Let any misunderstanding on this point not create any confusion in your mind. Love lots.
Your spouse and you may have certain important priority beliefs (small or big is immaterial). Give each other adequate space and time to pursue those beliefs respectfully.

To Love Your Child, Love Each Other: You Have No Escape From Loving Each Other

If his parents do not love each other, the child will never be able to get a sense of living in a complete home. Something is missing somewhere, in home, for him. He will never be able to sense of love from them together as a parental entity. For him, love from parents as one single unified entity is missing. He will never grow normally.

When husband and wife love each other, it produces a kind of synergistic love in home and that the child enjoys, it is very healthy for him. That is many times more than when only mother showers her love on him or only father showers his love on him in their separate ways.

So, there is no escape from loving each other since you already love your child so much. Love each other Mr husband and Mrs wife, you don't lose anything in love. Love does not need financing or rocket science or strategic management. Then, love only multiplies.

Celebrate Uniqueness But Do Change for Better

In most marriages the husband has got some expectations from wife and wife has some expectations from the husband. Many couples do make some allowances for the differences in their habits, interests, outlooks, thinking etc and even accept each other despite some conflicting aspects on these matters. However, many, why majority of husbands want that their wives should be like them in most aspects and the wives want the husbands to be like them. Carrying it too far can create problems.

So, for improving husband wife relationship, don't expect your partner to be your carbon copy.

It is therefore a myth that the marital discords occur only due to the differences in the personalities, attitudes likings/disliking, habits and behaviors of husband and wife. That may be the trigger but the real root cause of the dissonance or conflicts is that one of them wants the other to change into the carbon copy of the self. This extraordinary expectation can be very heavy on the other person particularly when this demand or expectation is expressed in a forceful or condescending manner. One must understand that it is very difficult to change one’s personality, attitudes likings/disliking, habits and behaviors not only in a short period but also over long period.

If the wife likes watching romantic movies or reading romantic novels and husband likes to watch action movies and action novels, it is not necessary for them to expect the other to do the same. As understanding husband and wife, they may start taking interest in each other’s likings over a period of time- that’s the best thing to happen and ideally should happen. Or it may happen that one is a very tidy person and other compromises tidiness for whatsoever reasons, one must learn to let go each other. The tidy person should compromise with other person’s untidiness and untidy person should try to become tidier gradually and also, in the process, both should help each other in making the home a tidier place. It may also happen that one finds it a necessity to pray and spends some time in the process of praying while the other person either just does not believe or is in a position to finish praying in a jiffy. Give each other some space and time on such and similar issues. Different food habits may be yet another example. While gradually developing taste for the food that is liked by your spouse is always a good proposition (though may not be always practical), the family can always work out menus that work well for all of them.

Yet, the two are unique individuals and forcing each other to become “ditto” is not the answer. The best thing will be to enjoy and celebrate the uniqueness of each other while some good changes may be taking place in both. Both should try to change for better.

Qualities in a Spouse (Potential Spouse or Existing Spouse): Applicable to Both, Husband and Wife

We spoke about the differences in the personalities of the life partners and resultant possible discords between the two due to such differences. Therefore, before deciding to marry, one can check on the qualities of one's prospective spouse though practically it is very difficult to do so easily.

Everyone likes to have a perfect, happy and permanent marriage and married life. To a large extent it may depend on the qualities in the existing or potential spouse, qualities in husband as well as qualities in wife. With good qualities in the marriage partners, the marriage may work well. But that is no guarantee because good marriages do not happen automatically just because on some counts the two partners see a few things in the same way. However, matching up of qualities is one of the factors in marriages that one can consider.

As a ready reference, we give below a list of some 75 qualities (and disqualifications) one may look out for in an existing or potential spouse. They are arranged simply alphabetically and therefore, order of their presentation does not signify their order of importance.Add more those you can think of. Then, arrange them in order of your preference by paired comparison method or any other method you like. Take the prospective candidate and check him/her against these qualities/disqualifications. Can be even more precise by rating him/her on a scale 0 to 5 after attaching weights to the qualities.

The List:

A person who will help you to make the marriage work
Acceptance of the partner with his/her qualities as well as flaws
Affectionate
Age
Aggressive/Submissive/Assertive
Allows flexibility to spouse (in food and drinks selection, dresses, job etc)
Angry and shouts
Bragging type
Can be a good parent
Caring
Commitment
Common sense
Communicative with spouse and those with whom he comes in contact
Considerate
Discourteous/Rude
Distrustful
Does not get angry
Dominating
Drinks (social drinker likely to get addict or already habitual drinker)
Take drugs/Drug addict
Earnings
Education
Ethical behavior
Fake/Pretends
Family background
Flexible
Friendship
Gossipy
Height
Helping
Honesty/Genuineness
Humility; not arrogant and full of him/herself
Hygiene
Immature
Insults
Intelligence
Jealous
Job
Kindness
Languages
Lazy
Looks
Looks more at qualities than the flaws
Loving
Loyalty towards spouse (no infidelity)
Macho type
Mature
Nationality
Normal health
Not a miser
Not hysterical
Open and sharing (with spouse)
Patient and understanding
Personal responsibility of spouse, children and home
Political
Potential to grow professionally
Pronunciations in different languages (required to deal with people in the society)
Reckless spender
Respectful to spouse and other members of family and society
Rigid
Romantic
Secretive, hides things from spouse
Smokes
Social, has good friends in adequate numbers
Stable (not blow hot blow cold type- changing colors and moods every now and then)
Street smart
Supporting
Suspicious
Takes interest in many things other than profession
Tells lies/Makes stories
Tidy
Trustworthy
Truthful
Unproductive
Uses assertive behavior at appropriate places and occasions (not aggressive)

and now the tail piece.....

Who Says Marriages Are Made in Heaven?
No, They Have to Be Worked Out on Earth

Taking marriage for granted is the sure shot way to failure of marriage- it may result in withdrawals, tenseness, irritation, bickering, sadness, unhappiness, discords, fights and may be, divorce. Everyone gets adversely and negatively affected- husband, wife and children.

Never ever assume that since it was love at first sight or second sight or it was a well analyzed or well planned search for the life partner through a series of dating procedures or it was a perfect match making by way of arranged marriage procedure also involving parents or other well wishers and also the horoscope matching pundits, it will automatically end up in a perfect marriage.

Do not think that successful marriage will automatically happen. No, it does not happen; it has to be worked out. It requires the necessary values, knowledge (rational, emotional and spiritual), thinking patterns (paradigms) and a strong will to develop and implement the related skills and competencies and finally using those skills and competencies through out the married life. Also refer: (Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://humansoftware.blogspot.com/ or http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3#

Developing the marriage related skills and competencies and implementing them need to be addressed with lots of seriousness. You will have to list down what skills and competencies you should develop and implement to make your marriage a success. Get knowledge on them, acquire them, practice them and implement them. Also refer: (Competencies- Life Management) http://shyam-bhatawdekar.blogspot.com/ or http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4#

(You may feel interested in reading about "Parental Responsibilities" at: http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/)

Other Related Topics of Interest

Counseling: General and Psychological

(Anger Management) http://controlling-anger.blogspot.com/
(Children’s Behavior Problems) http://child-behavior-problems.blogspot.com/
(Cholesterol Control) http://controlling-cholesterol.blogspot.com/
(Counseling) http://counselingfamily.blogspot.com/
(Counseling) http://counseling-family.blogspot.com/
(Cross Cultural Etiquette) http://cross-cultural-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Emotions) http://emotion-feeling.blogspot.com/
(Executive Etiquette and Manners) http://executive-manners.blogspot.com/
(Exercises) http://exercises-plan.blogspot.com/
(Family Counseling) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Life Management: Competencies) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/competency-matrix/6txz9nck6g3/4
(Life Management: Effectiveness Management: HSoftware) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/management-in-life-profession-family/6txz9nck6g3/3
(Life management: I Am Liberated) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/i-am-liberated/6txz9nck6g3/6#view
(Marriage Counseling) http://marriage-counsel.blogspot.com/
(Ownership on Job) http://job-ownership.blogspot.com/
(Parental Responsibilities) http://parental-responsibilities.blogspot.com/
(Personality) http://human-personality.blogspot.com/
(Qualities of Spouse) http://spouse-qualities.blogspot.com/
(Quit Smoking) http://quit-smoking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Self Development) http://managing-self.blogspot.com/
(Self-confidence) http://self-confidence-improvement.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://managing-stress-strain.blogspot.com/
(Stress Management) http://management-of-stress.blogspot.com/
(Telephone Etiquette) http://telephone-etiquette.blogspot.com/
(Walking) http://walking-plan.blogspot.com/
(Winners and Losers) http://winners-losers.blogspot.com/

About All the Products
(Home Page for All Products) http://products-all.blogspot.com/
(Cars) http://cars-products.blogspot.com/
(Chocolates) http://chocolates-products.blogspot.com/
(Flowers) http://flowers-products.blogspot.com/
(Greeting Cards) http://greeting-cards-products.blogspot.com/
(Mobile Phones) http://mobilephones-products.blogspot.com/

Home Tips
(Home Page for All Home Tips) http://home-tips-tricks.blogspot.com/
(Entertainment: Movies) http://popular-movies.blogspot.com/
(Entertainment- Hindi Movies of Your Choice) http://hindi-movies-choice.blogspot.com/
(Health: Homeopathy) http://homeopathy-medicines.blogspot.com/
(Housekeeping at Home) http://5s-housekeeping-home.blogspot.com/
(How to Save Money) http://save-money-ideas.blogspot.com/
(Recipes: Easy to Cook) http://easytocook-recipes.blogspot.com/
(Recipes: Exotic) http://tastetherecipes.blogspot.com/
(Travel and Sightseeing- India) http://india-tours-sightseeing.blogspot.com/
(Travel and Sightseeing- World) http://sightseeing-guide.blogspot.com/

General Knowledge and Out of Box Ideas

(General Knowledge- GK) http://general-knowledge-gk.blogspot.com/
(General knowledge- Top 5/Top 10) http://top-five-everything.blogspot.com/
(Out of Box Ideas) http://wow-idea.blogspot.com/
(Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Knols) http://knol.google.com/k/shyam-bhatawdekar/shyam-bhatawdekar/6txz9nck6g3/1#

Marriage Counseling

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 6

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 5

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 4

You may like to read related literature on family management and management of married life on the following URLs:

(Family Management) http://family-harmony.blogspot.com/

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 3

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 2

In Praise of Women

Building Intimacy in Marriage: Lesson 1

In Lighter Vein

Life Management and Life Skills: Life Time Model

Mission Statement for Families

Do You Have the Right Kind of Skill Sets and Competencies to Run Your Marriage and Family Effectively?

Interpersonal Relations in Family

To Love Your Child, Love Each Other: You Have No Escape From Loving Each Other

Open Communication

Family Harmony

Shortlist of Vital Qualities in a Spouse

Secret of Happy Marriage

Working Couples and Balance in Relationship

Marriage Counseling